FBI storms Mar a Lago
- Thread starter Fakenews
- Start date
FLORENCE, COLORADO (The Borowitz Report)—In a withering takedown of the Department of Justice, the former drug lord Joaquín (El Chapo) Guzmán has claimed that the D.O.J. has been weaponized against him.
Speaking from his cell at a supermax prison in Colorado, El Chapo called his prosecution and incarceration “the greatest witch hunt in the history of witch hunts.”
“This should never be allowed to happen in our country,” he added.
Questioning the D.O.J.’s motives, El Chapo claimed that he has been imprisoned because of his consistently high poll numbers.
“You look at my polls, and they’re unbelievable,” the former narco-kingpin said. “I’m doing better than Biden. I’m doing better than DeSantis. And, of course, I’m doing better than Doug Burgum, who no one has heard of and who shouldn’t even be allowed to run, quite frankly.”
Speaking from his cell at a supermax prison in Colorado, El Chapo called his prosecution and incarceration “the greatest witch hunt in the history of witch hunts.”
“This should never be allowed to happen in our country,” he added.
Questioning the D.O.J.’s motives, El Chapo claimed that he has been imprisoned because of his consistently high poll numbers.
“You look at my polls, and they’re unbelievable,” the former narco-kingpin said. “I’m doing better than Biden. I’m doing better than DeSantis. And, of course, I’m doing better than Doug Burgum, who no one has heard of and who shouldn’t even be allowed to run, quite frankly.”
Chris in Santa Cruz CA
Super Anarchist
If he didn’t lie to them maybe they don’t work for him either. The truths about everything he did/didn’t do when potus is probably mind bogglingly nauseating to even the coldest hearted lawyer.
Danceswithoctopus
Cephalopod
Some advice I sometimes give to clients: Go ahead and lie to your parents, lie to your children, lie to your spouse, lie to your priest, but never never never lie to your attorney.
Nice!
Super Anarchist
In a few weeks: "Walt who? I think he got the coffee."I have just learned that the “Thugs” from the Department of Injustice will be Indicting a wonderful man, Walt Nauta, a member of the U.S. Navy, who served proudly with me in the White House, retired as Senior Chief, and then transitioned into private life as a personal aide. He has done a fantastic job! They are trying to destroy his life, like the lives of so many others, hoping that he will say bad things about “Trump.” He is strong, brave, and a Great Patriot. The FBI and DOJ are CORRUPT!
Donald Trump kept boxes with US nuclear program documents and foreign weapons details, indictment says – as it happened
Indictment accuses former president of risking national security, foreign relations, safety of US military and intelligence gatheringwww.theguardian.com
A few weeks after that: "Lying Walt Nauta is a Trump-hating thug who is helping Biden weaponize the FBI. I gave Walt a good opportunity but he was always useless and stupid. He is a turncoat socialist. Bla bla bla insert more random ranting here."
Bus Driver
Bacon Quality Control Specialist
I think he is expecting Nauta to remain loyal, since the defeated ex-President said nice things about him.
Nauta HAS to have seen how long people have enjoyed the loyalty of TFG.
Cal20sailor
Super Anarchist
Naughty Nauta will be his moniker when he goes to the dark side.
P_Wop
Super Anarchist
Posted on the 1000 pics thread, but needs to be here too.
Blue Crab
benthivore
One case from the risk-shy legal guru of Nowhere, VT [Is there a Somewhere, VT?] ... big whoop.
Literally nothing compared to my pal Sara Spector of Podunk, TX who works with Dunham & Jones Law, an award-winning regional firm doing thousands of cases each year, whom Alan wrote off yesterday as a random voice on the internet. Sara has an internet presence unlike a sailing forum mod, the literal random voice.
Betcha Greg Abbott/Ken Paxton pay more attention to Sara than they do to Clean. Al, you may be listed in Martindale-Hubble but Google only finds some PA judge. Maybe I should have searched for people who desperately wish they were somebody.
It looks like her prosecutorial experience is child abuse cases at the state level. She does not know everything that the DOJ could or couldn’t have done at a given time in such a large and complex investigation or why the DOJ made the strategic decisions that it made.
Her comments simply serve to undermine trust in the DOJ. It’s taking “what’s taking so long” and reframing it as “what took them so long.” To that extent, I feel it is fair to criticize her comments.
That being said, she seems like a sharp attorney and an amazing person for the work she does in her community.
Blue Crab
benthivore
Clean snidely put her down for being a DUI lawyer.
Clean lists marijuana cases as one of his 33 (count'em 33!) areas of expertise. Seems like a distinction without much of a difference. I speak from experience here. The judge I found in PA was a misspelling. Clean himself likely works for NSA and we'll never know what a courageously cool hombre he really is because his achievements have been scrubbed from the light interwebs. I didn't check the dark web.
I just find it annoying that Clean comes off so imperiously based on ... what, exactly?
Clean lists marijuana cases as one of his 33 (count'em 33!) areas of expertise. Seems like a distinction without much of a difference. I speak from experience here. The judge I found in PA was a misspelling. Clean himself likely works for NSA and we'll never know what a courageously cool hombre he really is because his achievements have been scrubbed from the light interwebs. I didn't check the dark web.
I just find it annoying that Clean comes off so imperiously based on ... what, exactly?
Cal20sailor
Super Anarchist
When a lawyer's involved, isn't that a good thing?
Blue Crab
benthivore
Unbelievable but yep. And how did we get to fucking from criminal procedure? This is the adult table.
Cal20sailor
Super Anarchist
I'm guessing that the vast majority of us know a lot more about fucking than criminal procedure.
Steam Flyer
Sophisticated Yet Humble
And from what I hear/read, the average level of knowledge about fucking is not very high.
Sol Rosenberg
Girthy Member
badlatitude
Super Anarchist
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Is that a copier in the pic? Thanks, Nevilledog
Sol Rosenberg
Girthy Member
