Florida Man

Max Rockatansky

holy fuckfarts!
3,680
898
Speaking of county commissioners, recently one of the shining lights of the Keys pled out to possession of 30 crawfish. The limit is 6, and has been for years
 

slap

Super Anarchist
5,694
1,156
Somewhat near Naptown
He wasn't drunk, he just didn't fit in the aisles.

How the fuck does a person get that fat in only 39 years?
One of the people I worked with at a summer job that I had when I was in college was 18 years old and weighed 400+ lbs. That was back in 1974, before weight inflation really hit.
 

SloopJonB

Super Anarchist
67,060
11,525
Great Wet North
One of the people I worked with at a summer job that I had when I was in college was 18 years old and weighed 400+ lbs. That was back in 1974, before weight inflation really hit.
And it sure has hit - in Tennessee at least. Was watching news on the flooding covering a big search for missing people - every single one of the searchers was a bluto. There wasn't one that looked under 300 Lbs.
 

veni vidi vici

Super Anarchist
2,128
440
…..

856D9691-7E95-4670-B671-E964CD4B0A85.jpeg
 

Talchotali

Capt. Marvel's Wise Friend
266
104
Vancouverium BC
Greatest Hits!

Courtesy bestlifeonline.com

Top 6 "Most Florida" Crimes in Florida This Year, Say Police​

THEY INCLUDE A TRAIN, A CAR, A BOAT, A CROSSBOW, SPOILED BEER AND A LAWNMOWER.

By MICHAEL MARTIN
AUGUST 2022

Florida crime police


Suwannee County Sheriff's Office

The state of Florida is renowned as a hotbed of unusual, distinctive and colorful crimes, leading a constant presence on "weird news" roundup and spawning numerous social media accounts collecting bizarre "Florida man" stories that involve run-ins with the law. The reputation is well- and hard-earned, as some of the state's weirdest crime stories of 2022 illustrate. Some of these cases are so bizarre, local police couldn't help posting about them, with commentary, on their own social media pages.



1

Man Tries to Outrun Police on Lawnmower​


lawnmower-police-chase.jpg


Okalosa County Sheriff's Office

In July, a Florida police department posted an account of an unusual escape attempt on its Facebook page. "A Holt man who jumped into a swamp to avoid Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office deputies trying to serve him warrants last January was not as successful yesterday when he put a John Deere riding lawnmower into high gear and tried to outrun pursuing deputies. 40-year old Dusty Mobley was tased by deputies chasing him while he tried to make a getaway on the lawnmower around 9:30 Saturday morning." Replied one local resident: "What I would give to see the video of him on the lawnmower getting tazed, played to Benny Hill theme."

2

Man Arrested After Asking Police to Test His Meth​


florida-crime.jpg


Hernando County Sheriff's Office

In March, a Spring Hill, Florida man was arrested after calling 911 to report that he suspected some meth he had recently purchased was fake. Thomas Eugene Colucci asked the police to test it for authenticity, then arrest the dealer. Deputies came to his house and arrested him instead. The police said that if anyone had "doubts about the authenticity of any illegal narcotics you have on-hand or have obtained from another person, the Hernando County Sheriff's Office is pleased to provide this service, FREE of charge."


3

Man Loses Shorts When Fleeing Arrest, Has to Skinny-Dip​


florida-crime-police.jpg


Suwannee County Sheriff's Office

Last month, Florida resident Jesse Dean Lamb, 50, literally lost his shorts as he was fleeing arrest by Suwanee County deputies. He fled a house wearing only bottoms, attempted to escape through a river, but his shorts became unfastened, leaving him nude in the water and unable to get out. "As Jesse was swimming away, he lost his shorts and was now skinny dipping in the river until he came to a large u-shaped dock and hid underneath it," the sheriff's office posted on its Facebook page. "Well, for the next couple of hours, we played hide and seek with Jesse; he popped up once but quickly disappeared back under the dock before the deputies could grab him." He was ultimately apprehended and charged with resisting arrest.

4

Man Plus Train Crash Car Into Home​


florida-crime-police2.jpg


Martin County Sheriff's Office

In February, NBC 2 reported that a Port St. Lucie, Florida, man was arrested after abandoning a stolen car on train tracks, which caused the train to send the car flying into an occupied home. Bradford Weitzel, 38, faced multiple charges after allegedly approaching detectives saying he couldn't find his car after leaving a bar in Martin County. The man reportedly stole a car "in good faith," but stopped it on train tracks and fled as a train was approaching. The car was struck and careened into a nearby home, which was damaged, but residents were unhurt.


5

Man Steals Crossbow By Putting It Down His Pants​


crossbow resting on tree trunk in autumn woods


Shutterstock

On February 6, a Mims, Florida, man was arrested and charged with stealing a large crossbow from a hardware store by trying to stuff it down his pants and cover it with his jacket. He was caught on surveillance video at True Value hardware store and had difficulty escaping police because he was walking with a crutch. "WELL HERE IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERYDAY…ONE OF THE WORLD'S DUMBEST CRIMINALS CAUGHT ON VIDEO STUFFING A CROSSBOW DOWN HIS PANTS!!" said Brevard County Sheriff Wayne Ivey, who posted the surveillance video to Facebook. "Believe it or not, [he] actually fled on foot when he observed Deputy Lindo although as you might imagine after seeing the video, he didn't get very far!! … You just can't make this stuff up!!"

6

Man Urinates in Beer Cave, Damages Stock​


Large 36 packs of Coors Light beer cases on a pallet at warehouse.


Shutterstock

In April, a 61-year-old Rockledge, Florida, man was arrested for urinating on cases of beer inside the Hop and Pop convenience store. According to a Rockledge police arrest affidavit, the man attempted to use the store's restroom, but found it locked. He then went into the store's "beer cave," unzipped his pants and urinated on cases of beer. The store owner said six cases of beer totaling $113.36 were damaged. The man was charged with misdemeanor criminal mischief.
 

Chris in Santa Cruz CA

Super Anarchist
5,822
1,115
earths surface
Greatest Hits!

Courtesy bestlifeonline.com

Top 6 "Most Florida" Crimes in Florida This Year, Say Police​

THEY INCLUDE A TRAIN, A CAR, A BOAT, A CROSSBOW, SPOILED BEER AND A LAWNMOWER.

By MICHAEL MARTIN
AUGUST 2022

Florida crime police


Suwannee County Sheriff's Office

The state of Florida is renowned as a hotbed of unusual, distinctive and colorful crimes, leading a constant presence on "weird news" roundup and spawning numerous social media accounts collecting bizarre "Florida man" stories that involve run-ins with the law. The reputation is well- and hard-earned, as some of the state's weirdest crime stories of 2022 illustrate. Some of these cases are so bizarre, local police couldn't help posting about them, with commentary, on their own social media pages.



1​

Man Tries to Outrun Police on Lawnmower​


lawnmower-police-chase.jpg


Okalosa County Sheriff's Office

In July, a Florida police department posted an account of an unusual escape attempt on its Facebook page. "A Holt man who jumped into a swamp to avoid Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office deputies trying to serve him warrants last January was not as successful yesterday when he put a John Deere riding lawnmower into high gear and tried to outrun pursuing deputies. 40-year old Dusty Mobley was tased by deputies chasing him while he tried to make a getaway on the lawnmower around 9:30 Saturday morning." Replied one local resident: "What I would give to see the video of him on the lawnmower getting tazed, played to Benny Hill theme."

2​

Man Arrested After Asking Police to Test His Meth​


florida-crime.jpg


Hernando County Sheriff's Office

In March, a Spring Hill, Florida man was arrested after calling 911 to report that he suspected some meth he had recently purchased was fake. Thomas Eugene Colucci asked the police to test it for authenticity, then arrest the dealer. Deputies came to his house and arrested him instead. The police said that if anyone had "doubts about the authenticity of any illegal narcotics you have on-hand or have obtained from another person, the Hernando County Sheriff's Office is pleased to provide this service, FREE of charge."


3​

Man Loses Shorts When Fleeing Arrest, Has to Skinny-Dip​


florida-crime-police.jpg


Suwannee County Sheriff's Office

Last month, Florida resident Jesse Dean Lamb, 50, literally lost his shorts as he was fleeing arrest by Suwanee County deputies. He fled a house wearing only bottoms, attempted to escape through a river, but his shorts became unfastened, leaving him nude in the water and unable to get out. "As Jesse was swimming away, he lost his shorts and was now skinny dipping in the river until he came to a large u-shaped dock and hid underneath it," the sheriff's office posted on its Facebook page. "Well, for the next couple of hours, we played hide and seek with Jesse; he popped up once but quickly disappeared back under the dock before the deputies could grab him." He was ultimately apprehended and charged with resisting arrest.

4​

Man Plus Train Crash Car Into Home​


florida-crime-police2.jpg


Martin County Sheriff's Office

In February, NBC 2 reported that a Port St. Lucie, Florida, man was arrested after abandoning a stolen car on train tracks, which caused the train to send the car flying into an occupied home. Bradford Weitzel, 38, faced multiple charges after allegedly approaching detectives saying he couldn't find his car after leaving a bar in Martin County. The man reportedly stole a car "in good faith," but stopped it on train tracks and fled as a train was approaching. The car was struck and careened into a nearby home, which was damaged, but residents were unhurt.


5​

Man Steals Crossbow By Putting It Down His Pants​


crossbow resting on tree trunk in autumn woods


Shutterstock

On February 6, a Mims, Florida, man was arrested and charged with stealing a large crossbow from a hardware store by trying to stuff it down his pants and cover it with his jacket. He was caught on surveillance video at True Value hardware store and had difficulty escaping police because he was walking with a crutch. "WELL HERE IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T SEE EVERYDAY…ONE OF THE WORLD'S DUMBEST CRIMINALS CAUGHT ON VIDEO STUFFING A CROSSBOW DOWN HIS PANTS!!" said Brevard County Sheriff Wayne Ivey, who posted the surveillance video to Facebook. "Believe it or not, [he] actually fled on foot when he observed Deputy Lindo although as you might imagine after seeing the video, he didn't get very far!! … You just can't make this stuff up!!"

6​

Man Urinates in Beer Cave, Damages Stock​


Large 36 packs of Coors Light beer cases on a pallet at warehouse.


Shutterstock

In April, a 61-year-old Rockledge, Florida, man was arrested for urinating on cases of beer inside the Hop and Pop convenience store. According to a Rockledge police arrest affidavit, the man attempted to use the store's restroom, but found it locked. He then went into the store's "beer cave," unzipped his pants and urinated on cases of beer. The store owner said six cases of beer totaling $113.36 were damaged. The man was charged with misdemeanor criminal mischief.
During covid I refused to buy gas or snacks from cheap shits who used it as an excuse not to have to clean their head and show it out of order. Same with Starbucks stores that did that.
 

Steam Flyer

Sophisticated Yet Humble
42,359
8,631
Eastern NC
During covid I refused to buy gas or snacks from cheap shits who used it as an excuse not to have to clean their head and show it out of order. Same with Starbucks stores that did that.
In North Carolina, part of the cost of doing business is to have "public accomodation." I make it a point to buy something in places that I use the restroom and vice versa... I will never buy anything in a place that either does not have one, or blocks it's use, or leaves it a horribly disgusting mess.
 

Blue Crab

benthivore
15,391
2,390
Outer Banks
In North Carolina, part of the cost of doing business is to have "public accomodation." I make it a point to buy something in places that I use the restroom and vice versa... I will never buy anything in a place that either does not have one, or blocks it's use, or leaves it a horribly disgusting mess.
I sure like to see more public rest stops built along the lesser roads. That takes a lot of heat off small stores/stations. The public ones we have are well taken care of, tho few and far between.
 

Steam Flyer

Sophisticated Yet Humble
42,359
8,631
Eastern NC
In North Carolina, part of the cost of doing business is to have "public accomodation." I make it a point to buy something in places that I use the restroom and vice versa... I will never buy anything in a place that either does not have one, or blocks it's use, or leaves it a horribly disgusting mess.
I sure like to see more public rest stops built along the lesser roads. That takes a lot of heat off small stores/stations. The public ones we have are well taken care of, tho few and far between.

A good idea, if we are all comfy with the idea of increasing public employment, too. I'm afraid that the red brigade will all scream about raising taxes, they'll be either unfinished or falling-apart shit holes, and then of course the same people will point out that "the gov't can't do anything right." And businesses will get rid of their restrooms and we'll have to pee in the bushes.
Hello 1885
 

Grande Mastere Dreade

Snag's spellchecker
A good idea, if we are all comfy with the idea of increasing public employment, too. I'm afraid that the red brigade will all scream about raising taxes, they'll be either unfinished or falling-apart shit holes, and then of course the same people will point out that "the gov't can't do anything right." And businesses will get rid of their restrooms and we'll have to pee in the bushes.
Hello 1885
you've been living in NC too long, it's starting to ruboff..

and if you want roadside heaven... Buc-ee's ... in texas they hired a professional bbq man.. they have some damn good bbq..
 

Grande Mastere Dreade

Snag's spellchecker
Texas BBQ? Isn't that mutton with ketchup?
well it ain't pig chopped to a million bits and slathered with vinegar and red pepper flakes served with a side of brown sugar water, that's for sure...

i was surprised that the sausage my friend was bringing to the beer races was from bucee's.. his SIL was buying it and giving it to him... one of my fav roadside eateries is Bodacious BBQ... place has changed in 30 years...
 

Steam Flyer

Sophisticated Yet Humble
42,359
8,631
Eastern NC
well it ain't pig chopped to a million bits and slathered with vinegar and red pepper flakes served with a side of brown sugar water, that's for sure...

i was surprised that the sausage my friend was bringing to the beer races was from bucee's.. his SIL was buying it and giving it to him... one of my fav roadside eateries is Bodacious BBQ... place has changed in 30 years...

It's perfectly OK with me if you don't like eastern NC BBQ. But it's not chopped, it's shredded with pliers. And it's not slathered with vinegar, it's basted in in... some clever cooks have figured out ways to actually inject their mix into the meat while cooking. I happen to like apple cider vinegar with datil pepper but I don't eat much BBQ these days.

I like most kinds of BBQ, it's almost infinitely variable. But the stuff around here is my favorite, if other people express disdain for it, I just smile and figure there'll be more for me.
 
Top