From The Guardian newspaper: Stranded at sea: amateur female sailors speak of sexual abuse by captains they met online

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Super Anarchist
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Lake Michigan
Guys,
Look in the mirror. Do any us sense even a bit of irony in this topic being discussed on SA? Do we even have any female posters any more? We have run most if not all, off,
or lost them for lack of interest.

The most egalitarian and diverse gathering of learning sailors nowadays is at the community sailing centers. Learn there first. Then it’ll be easier to handle the not-quite-right predatory types if you ever have that misfortune.

And yeah I’m likely prejudiced, I teach at one part-time.
We’ve not all run off nor lost interest. I’ve read every entry in this thread. My initial reaction to the OPs original posting was that those girls/women were incredibly trusting and ignorant to even get themselves into that situation. Obviously I’m much older, but as a young female I was extremely cautious about interactions with men and I sure as hell would never have sailed with a stranger. But I was raised with 4 older brothers, and that perhaps added to my general outlook on men. I have discussions with my gorgeous teen granddaughter about the predatory types.
 

Monkey

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Are you suggesting the person who accepted the offer didn't have a functioning brain?


Because that seems a bit harsh...
Possibly. Keep in mind that the weirdo guy did nothing wrong in this story. When things didn’t work out as he’d hoped, he bailed. He actually did the right thing. I’m just saying you’d have to be dumb as a box of rocks to misread that offer.
 

Ease the sheet.

ignoring stupid people is easy
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Possibly. Keep in mind that the weirdo guy did nothing wrong in this story. When things didn’t work out as he’d hoped, he bailed. He actually did the right thing. I’m just saying you’d have to be dumb as a box of rocks to misread that offer.


There's plenty of boxes of rocks out there.

I'm with Clean on this. Both of us have daughters.
 

kent_island_sailor

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Kent Island!
There's plenty of boxes of rocks out there.

I'm with Clean on this. Both of us have daughters.
So if I came up to your daughter and said "Hey nice single lady, want to go with me on an all expenses paid trip on a charter boat in Greece with me, a single guy" and she called you on the phone to ask for advice, you would say "That guy isn't interested in a date, he just has space on a boat and found the first random person he saw to invite on an expensive trip" or would you say "That guy is probably after a date(sex), if you are not down for that you may want to mention it".

Unless she was raised by wolves and this is her first time off the tundra, you KNOW the girl knew what the guy wanted.
 

Monkey

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There's plenty of boxes of rocks out there.

I'm with Clean on this. Both of us have daughters.
Please keep in mind that the ONLY reason I’m okay with making the comment that I did is because the guy misunderstood the situation and walked away. This is in no way one of those scenarios where some asshole asks what a rape victim was wearing. An international vacation isn’t a bad decision made while drinking. Would your daughter actually assume that if a stranger offered her a free cruise, it was just to be friends? I’d hope not.
 

kent_island_sailor

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Kent Island!
Please keep in mind that the ONLY reason I’m okay with making the comment that I did is because the guy misunderstood the situation and walked away. This is in no way one of those scenarios where some asshole asks what a rape victim was wearing. An international vacation isn’t a bad decision made while drinking. Would your daughter actually assume that if a stranger offered her a free cruise, it was just to be friends? I’d hope not.
Also if you have sons, teach them to do what this dude did and just walk away if things don't go the way you hoped and maybe buy the girl dinner first next time and see how it goes.
 

Ease the sheet.

ignoring stupid people is easy
20,679
2,509
Please keep in mind that the ONLY reason I’m okay with making the comment that I did is because the guy misunderstood the situation and walked away. This is in no way one of those scenarios where some asshole asks what a rape victim was wearing. An international vacation isn’t a bad decision made while drinking. Would your daughter actually assume that if a stranger offered her a free cruise, it was just to be friends? I’d hope not.
I, maybe like the father of the woman in the story, would hope my daughter would know better...
 

Virgulino Ferreira

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2/6/22

1) Never Sail Alone. I Learned the Hard Way.
2) Going Alone Was A Big Mistake
3) I Spent 3 Weeks Aboard a Catamaran and I Never Felt Safe.
4) I am a Victim of a Narcissistic, Perverted Sailboat Captain
5) It almost happened to me, too.
6) Flabbergasted at the extent of sexual assault harassment in the world of co-cruising
7) The risk of onboard abuse is far more threatening than the risks associated with sailing
8) Distraught by the number of men who will try anything to get you on a sailboat for reasons other than sailing
9) The only thing on his mind was convincing me to sleep with him
10) After a Bad Experience I wanted to Report the Captain, but I Decided it was Pointless.
11) The Crewing Platforms are Dangerous. They Should be Investigated by the Authorities.
12) "I had no Idea I was Embarking with a Convicted Rapist. I was Trusting Crewbay.com to be a Safe Platform: It is Not. This Man Assaulted Me."
13) “This Captain Lied to me About other Crew coming to Sail with Us. In fact he had Arranged for Me to be Alone with Him.”
14) “After a Few Days at Sea, this Captain Turned into a Demonic Psychopath. So Much so that we Were Afraid for our Lives.”
15) “ It was my first job for a charter company. When the skipper started to assault me after I had rejected him several times, I feared for my position, and gave him what he wanted.”
16) “ This Captain Continuously Sexually Harassed and Assaulted me While we Were on his Boat. He later Confessed that he was Trying to “Convince” each Woman who was Crewing with Him to “Be with” Him.”
17) “While I was sleeping, the captain entered my cabin, stepped naked in my bed, and I woke up because a very hard penis was poking against my back. I could not go anywhere. I reported him, but Findacrew.net did nothing about it.”
 

shaggybaxter

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So if I read this right the tell is any advert that requests 'women only' without any other detail infers an intent of a debaucherous nature. Then it is incumbent upon the girl to state that she is not interested or it is assumed that she is.
I don't have any opinion to offer as it's not something that I've ever had to think about.
But if this is reality, it's kind of depressing.
 

Virgulino Ferreira

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On the other hand, once you've slipped and dumped 5 liters of boiling pasta water down your front, you're unlikely to be in a position ever again to, umm, fully enjoy said girl's company.

"always pull on a foulie bib when you cook underway, you're a long way from the nearest burn hospital." was taught to me years ago by a neighbor who's a pretty serious offshore racer. I thought it was good advice. He's about 80 now and still at it.

Don't forget the boots:

Foot injury prevents Boris Herrmann from participating in Leg 2 of the Ocean Race
https://www.sail-world.com/news/257904/Foot-injury-prevents-skipper-from-sailing-in-Leg-2
23 January 2023

Team Malizia's skipper Boris Herrmann sustained a severe burn on his foot from boiling water during Leg 1, shortly before arriving in Mindelo. After seeking medical treatment in hospital, Boris Herrmann was advised by Dr. Spike Briggs, official doctor and medical advisor to Team Malizia since 2019, to not participate in the second leg of The Ocean Race due to a considerable risk of infection while at sea.

"The pot fell over and splashed boiling water on my foot. I wiped it off quickly but once we got here and went to the hospital we realised this is a severe burn we need to care of so therefore I can't do (Leg 2)," he said.
 

NeedAClew

Super Anarchist
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Unless she was raised by wolves and this is her first time off the tundra, you KNOW the girl knew what the guy wanted.
Not so. If young women ALL knew that ANY older, more powerful person befriending her, treating her as special was out for rummaging around in her goody bag then sexual harassment and abuse by college professors would be waaay down.
 

kent_island_sailor

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Kent Island!
Not so. If young women ALL knew that ANY older, more powerful person befriending her, treating her as special was out for rummaging around in her goody bag then sexual harassment and abuse by college professors would be waaay down.
This is some random dude in an airport the girl in question had never seen before in her life and never would see again if she hadn't decided to go with him. There was no power dynamic here. Also nothing bad happened to her, the dude looked so stupid with his non-date date he just left :ROFLMAO:
 

MR.CLEAN

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I’m with KIS on this. He isn’t implying she was obligated to put out. He’s simply stating that the guy’s intentions were clear and she should have mentioned that wasn’t on the table before taking him up on a very expensive offer.
Clear to him, not to her. There's no obligation to answer an unasked question. If he's too much of a rapist to ask, he risks the consequences.
Anyone with a functioning brain would know what he was looking for.
How about those whose brain doesn't function as you think it should? Should he have to include "must FUCK" in the ad for them?
 

Monkey

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Clear to him, not to her. There's no obligation to answer an unasked question. If he's too much of a rapist to ask, he risks the consequences.

How about those whose brain doesn't function as you think it should? Should he have to include "must FUCK" in the ad for them?
We’re talking about different situations. I was referring to the girl who met the guy in an airport and agreed to accept an all expense paid trip to fly half way around the world and spend a week sailing the Greek islands on a chartered boat with the guy.
 
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