Funniest Lines Heard While Racing

[jonas a]

Not very funny, but here in Finland there was a guy who used scream: "Tack motherfckr or I'll kill you when we get back to the beach"

 

[MarkusCarkus]

"We're getting hosed!", said while sharing around a tank of nitrous oxide during a beer can race. Maybe that is where the term "tanking" originated?

Same boat, different race..."cocaine is god's way of telling you that you have too much money"

It was the 80s in FL, what can I say...

 

[billy backstay]

"We're getting hosed!", said while sharing around a tank of nitrous oxide during a beer can race. Maybe that is where the term "tanking" originated?

Same boat, different race..."cocaine is god's way of telling you that you have too much money"

It was the 80s in FL, what can I say...

I remember one Christmas Party in Fort Liquordale at a South African BN's place, it was '82 or '83, it think? Awesomely good times, but the memories are few and far between!

 

[billy backstay]

Funniest things during a race? The Stamford YC "Denmark Race". The Prince of Denmark was joining Mr. Coumantaros on Boomerang for the race, but he didn't show up until we were on the downwind leg with the kite up. We were on port jibe when his launch came alongside to discharge the Prince. An approaching competitor hailed us, "Starboard!!". We replied, "Royalty!!"

 

[MarkusCarkus]

Me, pointing out that the clew of the 170% genoa was trailing in the water: It's coming adrift

Helmsman: Yeah, it's gone a-glub

 

[some dude]

We were doing as bit of a distance race that goes around a small island with a small islet off it. Our area we can go from 50' of water to 5' rocky outcrop in a nano second and pretty dark water so you have to pay attention. You go from 6 knots to full stop in heartbeat. We were approaching the islet on the back side of the island from downwind. Us and the boats ahead of us start slow and the boats behind are still doing 5 or 6 knots. We gave the islet and the known rock a wide berth. One of the boats steaming up behind us being cute to get overlap and start screaming for inside room. I just looked back and quietly said: "you can't can't go in there". Started to get belligerent and shouting "we have rights" blah, blah blah etc. Again I said: "you can't go in there". Again, we gave them more than lots of room and then "PRANG"!!! An immediate full stop, a bow stand and two of the crew ended up at the shrouds. The owner/driver went right over the traveler then bounced over the rock going backwards. Again I said: "you can't go in there!". Didn't say anything and turned red and didn't talked me in quite some time. Nobody got hurt except a bruise two and their pride but it is friggin' funny!

Sutil Rock?

Similar occurrence at an oil drilling platform off Huntington Beach. Boat going for the inside didn't look up-cap shroud grabbed an I-beam sticking out from the platform. Full stop, bow out of the water to the keel. Tweaked the mast a bit, but only the top half

 

[mustang__1]

We were doing as bit of a distance race that goes around a small island with a small islet off it. Our area we can go from 50' of water to 5' rocky outcrop in a nano second and pretty dark water so you have to pay attention. You go from 6 knots to full stop in heartbeat. We were approaching the islet on the back side of the island from downwind. Us and the boats ahead of us start slow and the boats behind are still doing 5 or 6 knots. We gave the islet and the known rock a wide berth. One of the boats steaming up behind us being cute to get overlap and start screaming for inside room. I just looked back and quietly said: "you can't can't go in there". Started to get belligerent and shouting "we have rights" blah, blah blah etc. Again I said: "you can't go in there". Again, we gave them more than lots of room and then "PRANG"!!! An immediate full stop, a bow stand and two of the crew ended up at the shrouds. The owner/driver went right over the traveler then bounced over the rock going backwards. Again I said: "you can't go in there!". Didn't say anything and turned red and didn't talked me in quite some time. Nobody got hurt except a bruise two and their pride but it is friggin' funny!

Sutil Rock?

Similar occurrence at an oil drilling platform off Huntington Beach. Boat going for the inside didn't look up-cap shroud grabbed an I-beam sticking out from the platform. Full stop, bow out of the water to the keel. Tweaked the mast a bit, but only the top half

...just the tip?

 

[Laser1]

Similar occurrence at an oil drilling platform off Huntington Beach. Boat going for the inside didn't look up-cap shroud grabbed an I-beam sticking out from the platform. Full stop, bow out of the water to the keel. Tweaked the mast a bit, but only the top half.

The above reminded me of Battlecry's mishap. (pub quiz question for the older dudes on here

I'm sure some choice language was uttered when that happened.

 

[LionessRacing]

"Call me Ishmael"...

Just yesterday in a beer can, when on starboard close hauled at a whacking 2.9 kts SOG we hailed another boat who was running free on collision course on Port with spinnaker up.

Port tack skipper did not acknowledge repeated hails, started to luff up to port and then gybed onto starboard, necessitating an emergency avoidance at full rudder, and loss of 2/3 speed, in a fresh breeze of 2 kts.

Not having been prepared to protest, with a ready flag, as it was a beer can, after hailing the boat by name and sail number as "PROTEST".

I pulled off my red shirt and tied shirt to the mizzen rigging, and sailed the remainder of the leg shirtless in my best old fat (285lbs) white guy imitation.

My crew was amused....

 

[view at the front]

Rocketing downwind in an IOR wobble we took a massive knockdown with the spreaders nearly in the water. The entire crew is yelling "Get it Up". . . "Get it Up". . . "Get it Up" while trying to release appropriate lines, and the skipper says something like: "I'll get it up when you let me get the rudder back in the water".

 

[Go Left]

Nice sunny day, just finishing a jibe, the mast gal jumps the pole end up to its right, perfectly level position, turns to the cockpit and says:

"That'd be the butt, Bob."

 

[Chris in Santa Cruz CA]

So we are doing the big daddy regatta in sf bay on irrational and we are really late for the line like 5 or 6 minutes and its light air and we are way behind the pack and its a big pack. We are all grousing about being late and there being little wind and so one guy is so bored he reads the si's and looks back at the committe boat and the course flags with binoculars goes down below to look at a chart. No one is really paying attention. He comes back up laughing and points 90 degrees to port and says if we go over there and round that mark we will be a half mile ahead of everyone and we will win the the first race. So we do, and we win. The entire rest of the fleet followed the fastest boat the wrong way until they saw us go the other way from 5 minutes back.

 

[pasta514]

I'm crew. On the starting line, 15 seconds before the gun. we are to leeward and the windward boat skipper is the brother of my skipper.

We are about to push them over the line when he says "I have some papers for you to sign about putting mom in the nursing home."

My skipper says "ok", then pushes them over the line.

 

[aquax]

Boat tangled the windward mark on VHF: RC, RC, the mark caught us!.

Somebody else VHF: Fleet, keep clear from upwind mark, its biting!

 

[SCANAS]

This boats just had a refit

 

[Go Left]

Short-handed distance race, Race to the Straits, with about 125 entrants.  

The VHF comes alive with some guy saying:  "This is the XXXXX, Thunderbird XXX.  Can anybody lend us a large philips head screwdriver?"  Total message.  No description or declared emergency, nothing.  Radio silence in response.  

Then about 2 minutes later "Can anybody lend us a philips head screwdriver?"  Radio silence.

A few minutes later we cross jibes with an old T-Bird.  They are on port doing about 3 knots, kite up, crew sitting in their cockpit, calm as can be.  We are on starboard, about three boat lengths away, doing 6-7 knots, asym kite up.  As we pass, one of the guys in the boat calls over:

"Can you throw us a large philips head screwdriver?"  

We say we don't have one, which is true.  And keep on with our race.  

But, really, what are the likely outcomes of throwing a philips head screwdriver at another boat from 100 feet away?  

 

[Two Tone]

A mate got a massive override on the primary winch in a tack and there was rope everywhere. Another crew member said "We'll need a metal detector to find the winch again"

Another line from the great Harold Cudmore, "Don't worry about the halyard, just hoist the fucking staysail!"

This didn't happen in Sydney did it by any chance?

 

[bplipschitz]

Heading into a dinghy race with my wife and 8-year-old nephew, we practice a couple of tacks and gybes, explaining to him the procedure, when to duck, etc. etc. 

Part way down to the first mark in the first race, in a loose group of about 4 boats I say "ready to tack?"

Said nephew jumps to the windward rail, grabs the shroud, shakes his fist and yells "ATTACK! ATTACKATTACK!"

He was quite crestfallen when I explained that we would *not* be boarding other boats, slitting throats and laying waste to them utterly.

"Attackattack!" has become the default response to "ready to tack?" no matter what boat we're on now. . .

 

[LionIsland]

Rebuilt 30' trimaran on its first outing rounds the leeward mark and comes onto the first beat. Guest helmsman "NO HELM!!! NO HELM!!!

Me, owner and rebuilder, looking back and seeing the broken rudder blade floating away:

"That's because there's no rudder."

 

[LionIsland]

Rebuilt 30' trimaran on its first outing rounds the leeward mark and comes onto the first beat. Guest helmsman "NO HELM!!! NO HELM!!!

Me, owner and rebuilder, looking back and seeing the broken rudder blade floating away:

"That's because there's no rudder."