In Death and Dying (again)

MultiThom

MultiThom

Super Anarchist
1,921
501
Benicia, CA
veni vidi vici said:
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I like that, Thanks. Was musing this AM about why folks want long lives. At 72 and diabetic for the past 30 years, I don't know that I would fight very hard to keep from going into the light. Certainly won't rage, rage against the dying of the light. Sex is a dim memory, Food (diabetic) ain't what it used to be, Drink keeps me awake at night. Sports I used to enjoy cause pain. Sailing is my major raison d'etre.
 
130lights

130lights

Super Anarchist
1,388
952
Lake Michigan
.

4822F560-0290-43A9-A31A-FFB1075C7208.jpeg
 
Ed Lada

Ed Lada

Super Anarchist
20,177
5,824
Poland
veni vidi vici said:
www.yahoo.com

What We Get Wrong About Death, According To End-Of-Life Workers

Palliative care and hospice professionals discuss what the process is like — and their insights may challenge what you think about dying.
www.yahoo.com www.yahoo.com
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Excellent article, thank you for posting it.

I especially like this part:

"If you are seeking to support a loved one who is dying, be mindful of how your own fear and discomfort could impact what a dying person shares with you, said Dr. Aditi Sethi, a North Carolina-based hospice physician and end-of-life doula.

According to Sethi, some dying people try to talk about their experience with loved ones but the families dismiss it because of their own discomfort, using language like “You’re not dying, don’t worry about it.”"

In spite of the fact that death is a part of life and everybody has to die, many people just can't get a grip on that idea. Open, honest discussion is the best way to deal with the inevitable. Hiding from it and denial aren't going to keep anybody from dying. I have lost contact with a few people that I thought were good friends because they can't deal with the fact that I won't be around much longer. While I understand that on one level, it's sad that many people are terrified of death and dying.
 
Goodvibes

Goodvibes

under the southern cross I stand ...
2,286
786
Ed Lada said:
Excellent article, thank you for posting it.

I especially like this part:

"If you are seeking to support a loved one who is dying, be mindful of how your own fear and discomfort could impact what a dying person shares with you, said Dr. Aditi Sethi, a North Carolina-based hospice physician and end-of-life doula.

According to Sethi, some dying people try to talk about their experience with loved ones but the families dismiss it because of their own discomfort, using language like “You’re not dying, don’t worry about it.”"

In spite of the fact that death is a part of life and everybody has to die, many people just can't get a grip on that idea. Open, honest discussion is the best way to deal with the inevitable. Hiding from it and denial aren't going to keep anybody from dying. I have lost contact with a few people that I thought were good friends because they can't deal with the fact that I won't be around much longer. While I understand that on one level, it's sad that many people are terrified of death and dying.
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Yes it happens.

While in a meeting at work my father called, I rang him back as soon as I got out of the room.

He was upset that his symptoms were getting worse and he'd had a rough night.

Me: "Ah come on Dad, your not dead yet, talk to the doctor soon."

He was dead a few months later.
 
130lights

130lights

Super Anarchist
1,388
952
Lake Michigan
Goodvibes said:
Yes it happens.

While in a meeting at work my father called, I rang him back as soon as I got out of the room.

He was upset that his symptoms were getting worse and he'd had a rough night.

Me: "Ah come on Dad, your not dead yet, talk to the doctor soon."

He was dead a few months later.
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My brother recently went into hospice. Waited for his daughter to get to town…died 6 hours later. In hospice <24 hours. He was ready.
 
Point Break

Point Break

Super Anarchist
27,176
5,133
Long Beach, California
Ed Lada said:
Excellent article, thank you for posting it.

I especially like this part:

"If you are seeking to support a loved one who is dying, be mindful of how your own fear and discomfort could impact what a dying person shares with you, said Dr. Aditi Sethi, a North Carolina-based hospice physician and end-of-life doula.

According to Sethi, some dying people try to talk about their experience with loved ones but the families dismiss it because of their own discomfort, using language like “You’re not dying, don’t worry about it.”"

In spite of the fact that death is a part of life and everybody has to die, many people just can't get a grip on that idea. Open, honest discussion is the best way to deal with the inevitable. Hiding from it and denial aren't going to keep anybody from dying. I have lost contact with a few people that I thought were good friends because they can't deal with the fact that I won't be around much longer. While I understand that on one level, it's sad that many people are terrified of death and dying.
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When Mrs PB passed in 2017 she was home on hospice for 10 days. The day before she came home her doctors called me into an unoccupied room and told me they couldn’t do anything else and there was zero chance she would recover. They could keep her alive for a couple more months in the hospital but it would be difficult for her or she could go home on hospice. After composing myself I went into her room. She looked at me and said “did they tell you?”. I nodded. I asked how long she had known? She said she had that feeling for a week or two. I asked why didn’t she tell me. She said “you weren’t ready.” She said “let’s go home”.

While at home as the days passed the kids and I took turns sitting and chatting with her 24/7. As the days passed she drifted in and out of coherence. One day as I was sitting with her she opened her eyes and said “how many days till Adam is born? I am looking forward to seeing him.” One of our daughters was pregnant but not due for another month. I paused, looked into her eyes and said “you won’t last that long. You will pass before then.” She looked sad and said “thanks” and went to sleep again. She bore no resemblance to the vibrant beautiful woman I was married to for 30 years. It felt very odd to wish she would pass so it would be over and feeling guilty about that wish.

For the last 3 days she never woke up. She would be restless or murmur but there were no purposeful responses. The morning of the 10th day…..a beautiful morning….I was standing in the sunroom and one of our sons was next to the bed. He said “Dad………”I turned and looked at him. He said “she isn’t breathing anymore.” I walked over and took my stethoscope and listened for heart sounds. None. She was gone. I took her hand and we all sat with her in silence for a while. Then it was time to make phone calls for the arrangements for the legal documentation required and transport to the funeral home.

No…….it’s nothing like you imagine it will be.
 
veni vidi vici

veni vidi vici

Omne quod audimus est opinio, non res. Omnia videm
8,734
2,073
Point Break said:
When Mrs PB passed in 2017 she was home on hospice for 10 days. The day before she came home her doctors called me into an unoccupied room and told me they couldn’t do anything else and there was zero chance she would recover. They could keep her alive for a couple more months in the hospital but it would be difficult for her or she could go home on hospice. After composing myself I went into her room. She looked at me and said “did they tell you?”. I nodded. I asked how long she had known? She said she had that feeling for a week or two. I asked why didn’t she tell me. She said “you weren’t ready.” She said “let’s go home”.

While at home as the days passed the kids and I took turns sitting and chatting with her 24/7. As the days passed she drifted in and out of coherence. One day as I was sitting with her she opened her eyes and said “how many days till Adam is born? I am looking forward to seeing him.” One of our daughters was pregnant but not due for another month. I paused, looked into her eyes and said “you won’t last that long. You will pass before then.” She looked sad and said “thanks” and went to sleep again. She bore no resemblance to the vibrant beautiful woman I was married to for 30 years. It felt very odd to wish she would pass so it would be over and feeling guilty about that wish.

For the last 3 days she never woke up. She would be restless or murmur but there were no purposeful responses. The morning of the 10th day…..a beautiful morning….I was standing in the sunroom and one of our sons was next to the bed. He said “Dad………”I turned and looked at him. He said “she isn’t breathing anymore.” I walked over and took my stethoscope and listened for heart sounds. None. She was gone. I took her hand and we all sat with her in silence for a while. Then it was time to make phone calls for the arrangements for the legal documentation required and transport to the funeral home.

No…….it’s nothing like you imagine it will be.
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I stopped at the “lets go home part”
If possible I wish the same for me…
 
Bull City

Bull City

A fine fellow
7,432
3,044
North Carolina
Point Break said:
When Mrs PB passed in 2017 she was home on hospice for 10 days. The day before she came home her doctors called me into an unoccupied room and told me they couldn’t do anything else and there was zero chance she would recover. They could keep her alive for a couple more months in the hospital but it would be difficult for her or she could go home on hospice. After composing myself I went into her room. She looked at me and said “did they tell you?”. I nodded. I asked how long she had known? She said she had that feeling for a week or two. I asked why didn’t she tell me. She said “you weren’t ready.” She said “let’s go home”.

While at home as the days passed the kids and I took turns sitting and chatting with her 24/7. As the days passed she drifted in and out of coherence. One day as I was sitting with her she opened her eyes and said “how many days till Adam is born? I am looking forward to seeing him.” One of our daughters was pregnant but not due for another month. I paused, looked into her eyes and said “you won’t last that long. You will pass before then.” She looked sad and said “thanks” and went to sleep again. She bore no resemblance to the vibrant beautiful woman I was married to for 30 years. It felt very odd to wish she would pass so it would be over and feeling guilty about that wish.

For the last 3 days she never woke up. She would be restless or murmur but there were no purposeful responses. The morning of the 10th day…..a beautiful morning….I was standing in the sunroom and one of our sons was next to the bed. He said “Dad………”I turned and looked at him. He said “she isn’t breathing anymore.” I walked over and took my stethoscope and listened for heart sounds. None. She was gone. I took her hand and we all sat with her in silence for a while. Then it was time to make phone calls for the arrangements for the legal documentation required and transport to the funeral home.

No…….it’s nothing like you imagine it will be.
Click to expand...
A beautifully told end. Thanks for sharing that with us.
 
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