Superman was standing on the roof of the tallest building in Gotham, surveying the city with his super vision. Down on the roof of another building he sees Wonder Woman sunbathing nude! He tries not to look, upholder of the morals and all, but he just can't help staring. She's just laying there on her back with her legs spread! Pretty soon he can't stand it and he gets this idea: I can swoop down there with my super speed, get a little, and swoop away so fast no one will know it was me. So he zooms down, hump hump hump hump, and zooms away in flash.
"What the hell was THAT?" yells Wonder Woman.
And the Invisible man says, "I don't know, but my ass sure hurts!"
A Turkish woman was swimming one day when she sees another woman come out of the pool with a lit cigarette. The Turkish woman tries it and it doesn't work. She asks the woman how she keeps her cigarette lit. She replies: I just put a condom over it. The Turkish woman goes to the drug store and asks the clerk for a pack of condoms. The clerk asks: What size would you like? She replies: I don't know, big enough to fit my camel.
Three mice meet at a convention in Dallas. Aftger spending the day walking the show floor, the three repair to local tavern to have drink.
After a couple of drinks, they begin discussing who comes from the tougher town. The first mouse says, "I'm from Brooklyn, and we're so tough that we grind up rat poison and put it in our coffe so we can start the day off with a nice buzz."
The second mouse says, "That's nothing. In L.A., when we find a rat trap, first we eat the cheese, then we lay down under the bar and use it as becn press to work off the calories."
The third mouse is a local. He takes a long pull form his beer and gets up as if to leave.
"Where are you going?" ask the out-of-towners.
"Well," drawled the third mouse. 'I've heard about all the bullshit I can stand for one night. And besides, I'm late. I've got to go home and screw the cat."