Joke

warbird

Super Anarchist
16,601
1,348
lake michigan
I bought a new brand of stick deodorant.  The instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom."

It hurts to walk, but my farts smell lovely.

(EDIT - sorry Warbird, I just saw you posted this one 2 years ago...  No problem.  Recycling is good, right?)
If it brings a smile, good. Who is going to worry?

 

HuronBouy

Anarchist
799
53
Canada
I actually knew a guy once who complained that Preparation H suppositories were ineffective - because he didn't take the foil off. :lol:
A guy into the doctor and says Preparation H does work adding  "For all the good they did I might as well shoved them up my ass." 

 

On The Hard

Super Anarchist
3,542
432
San Antonio
Here's a classic from page 11

Many years ago I used to have a Labrador retriever. One afternoon, I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Since this was such an obviously DUMB question, on impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and because the food is nutritionally complete, I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to stagger out the door.

 

sadug

Member
218
58
San Diego
An Irishman walks out of a bar.


Bar.jpg

 

chester

Super Anarchist
6,359
1,419
I actually knew a guy once who complained that Preparation H suppositories were ineffective - because he didn't take the foil off. :lol:
From bill engvall:

You know there's a warning on preperation h "do not take this orally"

You someone wrote them "I ate this whole darn tube and I still got these hemroids, my mouth's so small I can't eat a peanut, but I can whistle really good"

 

P_Wop

Super Anarchist
6,903
3,958
Bay Area, CA
On the Prep H topic, I had 4 birthdays in a row (late May) in the middle of the Atlantic on deliveries back from the Caribbean to the Med.  

After one evening celebration I was "put to bed."  Arising next morning with a mouth like the inside of a running shoe, I staggered into the head to scrub my teeth.  Squeezing a hefty length out of my personal toothpaste I started the scrub.  Foul filthy green/brown froth emerged from my mouth, then the tastebuds triggered.  A massive chuck followed.

Howls of laughter from on deck.  

The bastards had squeezed out my toothpaste and backfilled the tube with Prep H.

I love my crew.

 
Last edited by a moderator:

mad

Super Anarchist
On the Prep H topic, I had 4 birthdays in a row (late May) in the middle of the Atlantic on deliveries back from the Caribbean to the Med.  

After one evening celebration I was "put to bed."  Arising next morning with a mouth like the inside of a running shoe, I staggered into the head to scrub my teeth.  Squeezing a hefty length out of my personal toothpaste I started the scrub.  Foul filthy green/brown froth emerged from my mouth, then the tastebuds triggered.  A massive chuck followed.

Howls of laughter from on deck.  

The bastards had squeezed out my toothpaste and backfilled the tube with Prep H.

I love my crew.
Should have done the opposite as a return favour, That’ll really bring out the howls!  :p

 

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