Joke

Major Tom

Super Anarchist
1,902
541
Darkest Africa
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
 

 
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Grande Mastere Dreade

Snag's spellchecker
aeDve2p_460swp.webp


 

warbird

Super Anarchist
16,514
1,281
lake michigan
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie.
When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.

The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porn theatre to see the adult movie.
With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.

The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, bondage and even a dog.
After a while watching the adult movie, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
One more time...

 

SloopJonB

Super Anarchist
66,931
11,465
Great Wet North
Reminds me of a joke a friend told.

A man was asking how one could describe the Russian national character.

His friend said "They're like Germans - but without the sense of humour".

 

Ed Lada

Super Anarchist
19,174
4,673
Poland
That reminds me of this joke.

An American fighter pilot is shot down over Germany during WW II.  He is captured and taken to a POW camp.  The Germans are interrogating him to no avail so they call in an expert from the Gestapo.  The Gestapo man secures the pilot to a wooden chair.   He instructs the pilot to sway in the chair form left to right and as he sways left he is to say "Tick" and then to the right he should say "Tock".  So the pilot sways to the left and says "Tick", sways to the right and says nothing.  To the left, "Tick", to the right, silence.  This goes on for an hour.  The Gestapo man screws his monocle into his eye, bends over with his face close to the pilot's face and says threateningly;

Ve haf vays to make you tock...

 
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Sean

Super Anarchist
15,346
2,499
Sag Harbor, NY
First Text Message:
Hi, Max. This is Richard, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & I hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. - Richard  
                        

Max, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Max then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard.  
 
Second text message: 
                         
 Hi, Max. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all ...

 
 
As cars have gotten better, drivers have gotten worse, for sure.

There are a lot of factors involved in reduced deaths but car design is by far the most significant. Not too long ago I saw a crash test between some modern sedan and a '59 Chevy.

The test was a "frontal offset" hit - the drivers fenders hit head on.

The '59 was totalled and the driver would have been dead - front was crushed back to the windshield, the steering column was through the front seat and so forth.

The modern car was badly damaged but the drivers door still worked and the driver would have walked away.

BITD any accident over about 30 MPH was a fatal, now people walk away at those speeds.
Here is video, sorry not fitting for joke thread.





To make up for the lack of joke, why did the turkey cross the road twice?

To prove he wasn't chicken.

 
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