Joke

Snaggletooth

SA's Morrelle Compasse
33,807
5,458
It's been five years since my wife ran off with my best friend. I still miss him.
Beene theire, done thet....

"Operator, oh, let's forget about this call
There's no one there I really wanted to talk to
Thank you for your time
Ah, you've been so much more than kind
You can keep the dime"
 

billy backstay

Backstay, never bought a suit, never went to Vegas
It's been five years since my wife ran off with my best friend. I still miss him.

I got pulled over for speeding last month. It was the end of the cop's shift, so he said if I had an excuse he hadn't heard before, he would let me go. I replied;

"Honestly Officer, my wife ran away with a State Trooper last year, and I thought you were bringing her back!!" :unsure::eek:
.
 

slap

Super Anarchist
5,940
1,357
Somewhat near Naptown
8lf4dv51zgr91.jpg
 

Black Sox

Super Anarchist
3,113
1,168
Dublin, Ireland
True story. A friend's wife ran off with his only sister.
The original confused me for a few minutes. Did the wife have an only sister? No, that would be her only sister and she'd be running of with her own only sister and that's just silly. Wait, what if the wife identified as a he, then the only sister could be the wife's. In which case...

A recent headline in the Irish Times "Dear Deirdre" column ran,
"I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body"
Fair enough, if that's what you want, but the second line was,
"Should I tell my husband?"

Talk about borrowing trouble.

Getting dumped would be bad enough but to know you turned them off your entire sex would be really humiliating.
You could try and sell it as her knowing that no man could ever satisfy her as well as you did so there's no point in her looking for another man.

Yeah, no. Me either.
 

Major Tom

Super Anarchist
1,922
555
Darkest Africa
Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London. Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, trousers £2.50 per pair".

Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of dose and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune.

Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talkin' 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on my best English accent."

"Right y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business" said Mick.

They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."

The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?

"Well yes," said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"

The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
 

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