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Linda, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all her

vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up

there, and she slipped out of it for an over-all tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs.

She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.

"The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit, as you did yesterday."

"What difference does it make?" Linda asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here and, besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

How it Happened

My brother began to dictate in his best oratorical style, the one which has the tribes hanging on his words.

"In the beginning," he said, "exactly fifteen point two billion years ago, there was a big bang and the Universe--"

But I had stopped writing. "Fifteen billion years ago?" I said incredulously.

"Absolutely," he said. "I'm inspired."

"I don't question your inspiration," I said. (I had better not. He's three years younger than I am, but I don't try questioning his inspiration. Neither does anyone else or there's hell to pay.) "But are you going to tell the story of the Creation over a period of fifteen billion years?"

"I have to," said my brother. "That's how long it took. I have it all in here," he tapped his forehead, "and it's on the very highest authority."

By now I had put down my stylus. "Do you know the price of papyrus?" I said.

"What?" (He may be inspired but I frequently noticed that the inspiration didn't include such sordid matters as the price of papyrus.)

I said, "Suppose you describe one million years of events to each roll of papyrus. That means you'll have to fill fifteen thousand rolls. You'll have to talk long enough to fill them and you know that you begin to stammer after a while. I'll have to write enough to fill them and my fingers will fall off. And even if we can afford all that papyrus and you have the voice and I have the strength, who's going to copy it? We've got to have a guarantee of a hundred copies before we can publish and without that where will we get royalties from?"

My brother thought awhile. He said, "You think I ought to cut it down?"

"Way down," I said, "if you expect to reach the public."

"How about a hundred years?" he said.

"How about six days?" I said.

He said horrified, "You can't squeeze Creation into six days."

I said, "This is all the papyrus I have. What do you think?"

"Oh, well," he said, and began to dictate again, "In the beginning-- Does it have to be six days, Aaron?"

I said, firmly, "Six days, Moses."

(From a short story by Isaac Asimov)



Super Anarchist
Finnish Drinking Game:

Regular: Three Finnish guys go into the sauna, each with half a litre of Kossu . They each drink the vodka, and then one guy goes outside. The other two have to guess who went outside...

Advanced: Two Finnish guys go into the sauna, each with a litre of Kossu. They each drink the vodka, and then one guy goes outside. The other guy has to guess who went outside...


Delta Blues

Super Anarchist
A guy goes into an antique store short on time. He sees this brass rat with stunning detail, and while not a fancier of the rodent, sees the quality and goes to buy it. The shop keeper says, "Before you buy this, there is a story I must tell you." The guy said he is in too much of a rush for the story and puts $300 in the shop keepers hands and bustles out of the store.

He gets home and places the brass rat on the fireplace mantel. Moments later, he starts hearing things outside of his house. He looks out the front door and there are rats knawing at the door, knawing at the windows, they have surrounded his house and are clammoring to get in at the brass rat. He looks up the street and sees tens of thousands of rats running towards his house.

Quickly he thinks and he grabs the brass rat, runs out the door and looks behind and all of the rats are chasing him. He runs up the block to the oceans edge and tosses the brass rat out into the water as far as he can. The rats chase the brass rat into the water and die in mass. Tens of thousands of rats floating dead. Wow.

He goes back to the antique store, and the shop keeper has this gleam in his eye, and said, "I knew you would be back. I knew you would want the story behind the brass rat. I knew it wouldn't take long." The guy said, "No. I don't want to know the story behind the brass rat, I want to know if you have any brass multihullers?"

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital, and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribes continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who is rather astounded, says, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?

The doctor replied, "It'll keep the sheets off his legs."


Iain A

Super Anarchist
Solomons/Pax Rvr
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it

is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost

went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey

Pokey," died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his

family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And

then the trouble started.



hard aground

Super Anarchist
in quarantine.....
A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard."What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs.. Reid is 62 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"

The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups"


hard aground

Super Anarchist
in quarantine.....
A man's translations

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...


Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."


Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"


Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.


Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."


Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."


Translated:* "Are you still talking?"


Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car

I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."


Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."


Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."


Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."


Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"


Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."


Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

Three men are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting

for the imminent birth of their respective children. One is an

Australian, one a New Zealander and the other a West Indian.

They are all very nervous and pacing the floor - as you do in

these situations. All of a sudden the doctor

bursts through the double doors saying "Gentlemen you won't believe this

but your wives have all

had their babies within 5 minutes each other. "

The men are beside themselves with happiness and joy. "And," said

the doctor, "they have all had little boys."

The fathers are ecstatic and congratulate each other over and over.

"However we do have one slight problem," the doctor said. "In all

the confusion we may have mixed the babies up getting them to the

nursery and we would be grateful if you could join us there to

try and help identify them."

With that the Aussie raced passed the doctor and bolted to the

nursery. Once inside he picked up a dark skinned infant with dreadlocks

saying, "There's no doubt

about it, this boy is mine!"

The doctor looked bewildered and said, "Well sir of all the

babies I would have thought that maybe this child could be of

West Indian descent.

"That's a maybe," said the Aussie, "but one of the other two is

a f#cking Kiwi and I'm not taking the risk.

In an interview about his failed marriage, Sir Paul McCartney was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again...In response he said, "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather."


http://mcdaniel37.buzznet.com/user/journal/10887/ in case the image goes away

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Lima November

Super Anarchist
Nantes, France
Now you got my mathematical side started. IMHO, the blonde is right. Her answer is 100% correct.

Why? Because the question is ambiguous. 'Find', is an ambiguous word, it does not necessarily mean 'compute', it could also mean 'locate'. And the question does not specify that x represents the length of the diagonal side of the triangle, that is only implied. Bad bad bad. I say two things:

1) Kids who answer "x=5" without further thought understand just as little about real mathematics as the blonde.

2) Any teacher who grades this answer with less than a 100% score is incompetent and must be fired on the spot.

OK, rant over. I found it funny too, actually...


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