Joke

blondgeometry.jpg
Now you got my mathematical side started. IMHO, the blonde is right. Her answer is 100% correct.

Why? Because the question is ambiguous. 'Find', is an ambiguous word, it does not necessarily mean 'compute', it could also mean 'locate'. And the question does not specify that x represents the length of the diagonal side of the triangle, that is only implied. Bad bad bad. I say two things:

1) Kids who answer "x=5" without further thought understand just as little about real mathematics as the blonde.

2) Any teacher who grades this answer with less than a 100% score is incompetent and must be fired on the spot.

OK, rant over. I found it funny too, actually...
You must be blonde, no?

 

Lima November

Super Anarchist
1,330
7
Nantes, France
Now you got my mathematical side started. IMHO, the blonde is right. Her answer is 100% correct.

Why? Because the question is ambiguous. 'Find', is an ambiguous word, it does not necessarily mean 'compute', it could also mean 'locate'. And the question does not specify that x represents the length of the diagonal side of the triangle, that is only implied. Bad bad bad. I say two things:

1) Kids who answer "x=5" without further thought understand just as little about real mathematics as the blonde.

2) Any teacher who grades this answer with less than a 100% score is incompetent and must be fired on the spot.

OK, rant over. I found it funny too, actually...
You must be blonde, no?
Negative, light brown. But I got blonde eyebrows :) .

 
An Englishman and an Irishman die on the same day and get to the pearly gates together. They are greeted

by St. Peter who announces that they only have room for one. St. Peter says that they will open the pearly

gates to the person who can best use the word Timbuktu in a poem. He looks to the Englisman first and

thinking quickly the Englishman replies.

"I was walking across a field so green and came across a river

"the river was as blue as blue I swear it ran to Timbuktu".

St. Peter replied very well done. Then asked the Irishman for his poem. The Irishman replied.

"Tim and I a campin' went

"When we came across three maidens in a tent

"Since they were three and we were two

"I buck one and Timbuktu"

I'm not really sure who got in.

 
A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the empty seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty." This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away.

This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1966 in London."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

 
I'm not taking the risk ... of him growing up and being a better sailor than me!
...and definitely a better bait taker....damn that one went deep... :lol:
Bang! That was my 25kg tackle exploding from that strike! :lol:
Damn Vodka, should have stuck to beer! Looking at it now I can hear the line flying off the reel as you two bastards coming flying up from down below screaming "Fish on!"

I'll try and calm down a bit in the future before hitting reply!

 

Eventually

Super Anarchist
todays email joke........

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy,

"If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have inyour herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers,

"Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color,150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says,

"You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give my back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy.

"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog

 
Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that Three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

 
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his

house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the

summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper

as no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

>

>-----------------------------------------------------------------------

------------

THE MODERN AUSTRALIAN VERSION :

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his

house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the

summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know

why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others

>less fortunate like him are cold and starving.

>

>The ABC and Channel 9 show up to provide live coverage of the shivering

>grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his

comfortable

>warm home with a table filled with food.

>

>

>Australians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor

>grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

>

>The Democrats, the Greens and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate

>in front of the ant's house.

>

>The ABC, interrupting an Aboriginal cultural festival special from

>North Queensland with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall

>Overcome."

>

>Bob Brown rants in an interview with Ray Martin that the ant has gotten

>rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate

tax

>hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

>

>In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity

>and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retrospective to the beginning

>of the summer.

>

>It is quickly passed through the Senate.

>

>The ant's taxes are reassessed and he is also fined for failing to hire

>grass hoppers as helpers.

>

>

>Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed

>retrospective taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

>

>The ant moves to Asia, and starts a successful agribiz company.

>

>The TV stations later show the now fat grasshopper finishing up the

>last of the ant's food though Spring is still months away, while the

>government owned house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old

>house, crumbles around him because he hadn't maintained it.

>

>Inadequate government funding is blamed, Kim Beasley now is appointed

>to head a Commission of Inquiry that will cost $10,000,000.

>

>The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose; the Sydney Morning

>Herald blames it on obvious failure of government to address

the

>root causes of despair arising from social inequity.

>

>The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders,

>praised by the government for enriching Australia's multicultural

>diversity, who promptly terrorize the community.

 

Derek Grebe

Super Anarchist
6,127
109
Dubai, UAE
How temperature affects the mind!

40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably.

People in Scotland sunbathe.

35 degrees - Italian cars won't start.

People in Scotland drive with the windows down.

20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in

Scotland throw on shorts and a T-shirt.

15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state.

People in Scotland go swimming in the sea.

0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on.

People in Scotland have a last barbi before it gets cold.

-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct.

People in Scotland lick flagpoles.

-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico.

People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.

-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic. Scottish Boy

Scouts postpone winter survival exercise until it gets cold enough.

-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

People in Scotland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps.

-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes.

People in Scotland get angry 'cos they can't thaw their whisky.

-297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt. Scottish cows

complain of farmers with cold hands.

-460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops.

People in Scotland start saying "A bit Pearl Harbour, ... eh?"

-500 degrees - Hell freezes over.

SCOTS SUPPORT ENGLAND IN THE WORLD CUP

.

 

Bump-n-Grind

Super Anarchist
13,840
2,654
Chesapeake Bay/Vail
sorry if it's a re-run .. dont have time to see if it's already in here

RECTUM STRETCHER

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge

only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing

smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum

stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way

up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work

from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but

surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket $95.00

Court Costs $45.00

Look on the Cop's Face............... PRICELESS

For everything else, there's MasterCard!

 

hard aground

Super Anarchist
Dear Diary,

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year.....namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.)

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....He didn't call back.

Guess I won that stupid argument

 
So this old sheep shearer's feeling a bit low, no energy and pretty miserable and decides he'll see a doctor. Goes in and has a bit of a yarn and the full check up, bloods, exrays, cardio the whole nine yards. When done the Doc says to him that he's in really good shape and asks when he last had a holiday. The shearer says "holiday? Mate, six kids to feed and a bloody missus, I've never had a holiday since I staretd work"

"Well its about time, you need a rest" says the Doc.

With that the shearer gets up to leave and the doc speaks up again, "Just BTW, you've got the dirtiest balls I've ever seen.

Shearer toddles off home and says to his old girl, "Doc says I'm ok, maybe need a bit of a rest. He recomends a holiday."

Missus, a bit frazzled with a crying baby on her hip, dinner on the stove, washing basket full and ready to hang out freaks out and screams, "YOU need a holiday! YOU! What about me?Kids, laundry cooking! Holy shit I haven't got enuff time to wipe my arse!"

Shearer says, "I was gonna talk to you about that...."

 
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