Ha ha ha ha ! Maestro !RING RING
JS "um...cia... errr... pronto!"
RC "Jimmy, it's me"
RC "Me mate, your old boss"
JS "Fuck you Kiwis all sound the same to me mate, and I've been owned by plenty of you cunts, so you're gonna have to narrow it down for me"
RC "Jimmy it's me! Russell!"
JS "Ah minchia! Look I dunno what Slingers told you, but I definitely left that wheel at the base in Bermuda when I left"
RC "Look don't worry about tha.."
JS "Plus these Italians mate, they are all about leather and matte black anyway..."
RC "Look just shut up for a sec!"
JS "Alright alright, I'm just bottled up with so much to say. These fucking wogs mate, they make it really hard to speak. They don't even want to hear my italian pep talks"
JS "Every time I walk around the deck of the boat I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. To be fair, there have been a few cracks showing"
RC "Look mate, I wanted to talk about your future after these fucking monsters have done their dash"
JS "Hey Sirena is a pretty firey bloke mate, but those are strong words even for a knight"
RC "Sorry? No, not the bloody team! These boats mate, they look really scary"
JS "Eh? Fuck no mate, these things are upwind beasts, I love em! Best thing I've ever done naked!"
RC "Yeah well Larry is not very happy with me. I told him these bastards would pitchpole all over the show, and they'd be slow, hard to handle and the laughing stock of sailing. I assured him with our F50 getting close to ETNZ's AC50 our boat would be top dog again"
JS "Poor choice of words there mate."
RC "I know, I know. Anyway. Everything was going good when we saw Dalt's boat get stuck in Italy. Oh how we laughed into our masks. LE even placed an urgent order for carbon dildos from Persico just to swamp the docks and delay them getting their boat shipped back to NZ"
JS "Tell him I don't need any, Patrizio has me sorted"
RC "So I hear. Anyway, SGP Australia was happenening and..."
JS "Fu-hu-uk mate that was a shit show! I thought you Kiwis knew about Sydney Harbour?!"
RC "Jesus fuck you interupt a lot, I'm not even convinced Larry was right getting me to talk to you about this"
JS "Talk to me about what?"
RC "Well, look as I said, what are your plans after Auckland?"
JS "What do you mean mate? Whatever Grant tells Patrizio to tell me what to do!"
RC "Well. Thing is, we kind of like being the off-season rum-racing social-series for you guys to take it easy and fuck around whilst waiting for the next big show. You guys get to act like superstars, I rent a crowd, and Larry thinks he's king of the hill!"
JS "Hahaha classic! But why would I want do that? I'm already a superstar!"
RC "Well it keeps you match fit for starters"
JS "Fuck mate, it's totally fucked things up for Ben! Not a good omen if I'm honest. His boyzzzz are spewing mate!"
RC "Yeah Ben's having a rough time at the moment. I heard their second boat was in the shop getting a much stronger bowsprit - I think he's figured out it's time to play his wildcard"
JS "Like I said then. I'm 100% not interested mate. Plus Slinger's still not talking to me after Bermuda, so I can't sail with that prick anyway!"
RC "Oh we wouldn't want you on the Aussie boat"
JS "Wot? Oh maaaaaaate wow! I do appreciate the kind gesture and I do love this place, but I'm not sure I'm up to snuff for joining the Kiwi team. Although I do fancy being a blowfly on the wall when Grant hears the news!"
RC "Oh fuck no mate HAHAHA! We both agree on you in regards to the NZ team. No mate, the gigs at Team USA"
JS "Team fucking USA? Those cunts still can't pull together a decent skipper for their own fucking series in their own back yard?"
RC "Not just skipper mate, we want you to run the team"
JS "You have got to be joking mate! Do you have amnesia from PTSD or something after Bermuda?"
RC "Nope. Look, we know that you're busy at the moment. "
JS "Ah yeah, a little! We had our practice racing yesterday, Burling's fucking fast!"
RC "Yeah I know. I was there"
JS "Eh? I didn't see you"
RC "Ben offered me a scarf and a seat on their support boat. Trust me, no-one saw. Thank god, because I'd be dead meat if Larry finds out"
JS "Errr mate..."
RC "But this is really more a formality anyway, it won't use much of your time. We'll get some bodies to sort the management shit out, we just need you as the frontman, and we want someone to mix it up on the water. 'Spark it up' as we say down here"
JS "To be honest mate, my time in Bream Bay taught me you boys like sparking up electric puha more than anything else"
RC "Fuck me it's hard talking to you mate. Do you wanna do it or not?"
JS "Do I need to sort out sponsors and all that bullshit? Because that's a fucking fool's errand mate"
RC "HAHAHA fuck no! Larry will just throw you some beans as per usual"
JS "Per usual? Some fee as Bermuda!?"
RC "Yeah that's the good news, compared to AC, this is just a rounding error in LE's losses at the moment. So he's happy to pay you the same as what you got last time, and this time you don't have to do anything other than turn up and turn the wheel. You don't even have to win."
JS "Fuck it then. I'm out"
JS "I mean I know SGP is a wank-fest mate, but I only do things to win"
RC "Oh ok then. 'You must win Jimmy'. Is that better?"
RC "Great. Well cheque's in the mail, we'll sort out a press release to hit just before AC gets underway"
JS "Perfect! So I will get to grind Grant's gears after all!"
RC "Heheh yeah!"
JS "Oh and don't worry about the wheel. I ummm... I can bring one..."
RC "We know. We've got some red paint ready."
JS "Look mate, I've gotta get back to work on adding some more 'no step' signs on the boat. But one last thing, any ideas on what sta 'zitto means?"
JS "Ah fuck! Sto arrivando ragazzzzzzzi!"