My brother died 14 months ago and I'm in pain

mathystuff

Anarchist
993
598
Sorry to hear, dude. Losing a loved person hurts like hell. I hope you find people to talk to and the strength to remember the good times without being in pain.

 

130lights

Super Anarchist
1,229
757
Lake Michigan
Everyone grieves in their own time, I don’t think there is a schedule for coming out of it. And it will continue to hit you at unexpected times. So very different than the death of a parent. I have a book ‘Surviving the Death of a Sibling’…I can send it to you.

 

Ventucky Red

Super Anarchist
11,604
1,320
Sad to hear if this.. 

I have lost a few that were very close to me, not a brother or a sister, but just a close...  even harder to accept when they murdered.. 

It does get better. 

 

Point Break

Super Anarchist
26,652
4,459
Long Beach, California
I’m not sure what you’re asking…..or just venting. I’ve experienced great and profound loss in my life. What I know……is everyone must deal with grief on their own journey. There is not a time table universal to all or any special “thing” that fixes it. Without understanding your question - if you have one - and perhaps not even then ….I cannot offer more. But there is no “fix” there is only accepting…..eventually. 

 

warbird

Super Anarchist
16,688
1,436
lake michigan
Has anyone experienced and come out into the blue.  Please don't shit on me.  He was a great guy worthy of my grief. 
Unfathomable pain. I have 7 surviving sibs so should I lose one I still have the joy of 6. If they lose me I hope they share the good times we enjoyed.  We lost a sister, 15, to suicide when we were 4- 24 years old and the pain still comes up now and again. We tend here grave next to mom and dad.

20210524_150600.jpg

 

Fakenews

Super Anarchist
13,847
1,899
Has anyone experienced and come out into the blue.  Please don't shit on me.  He was a great guy worthy of my grief. 
Sorry to hear this.  Haven’t had to deal with that but I have a younger sister I’m really close to that I will probably outlive.  Dread that day. Guess all that can be done is always hold their memory and keep your chin up and talk to someone you trust when you feel low.

 

Lark

Supper Anarchist
9,668
1,799
Ohio
Your grief is as individual as your brother was.   Your pain is a strong testimony to your brother, but your task is to endure and add value to the precious time you are allocated.   Perhaps you can dedicate a portion to something in his honor?   Or the dream he never got to do?   Completion of an unfinished task or a modest contribution to his life’s work?    My dad was an educator, so an endowment made sense to my mother.   My cousin was a partier, so some vodka and a hot blond seemed the appropriate sacrifice to me.     Actually I toast him every time I go to Lake Erie and hate jet skis in his name, having had the task of riding the one he died on back to the dock.    You know who your brother was and what mattered to him.   Those of us that only get to know you online can only guess what words to say.

 
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Mrleft8

Super Anarchist
27,455
4,069
Suwanee River
Ya........

 I don't know your pain, but I know my own.

 People always say: "You have no idea".... And that's true.

 The only thing I can say is remember the best of the bad times, because eventually they become fond memories. The good times will always be there, but the bad times, become more important somehow..... For me anyway.

 

Gissie

Super Anarchist
6,555
1,750
Four grandparents, both parents and three very close friends before I was 25. You get used to it. My two bros are hanging in there at the moment, although one is getting a bit tired of it all.

 

olaf hart

Super Anarchist
Happens a lot, some event or minor  loss triggers the bereavement response again.

Ride it out, don’t fight it and it usually settles sooner. Give yourself some room…
I assumed here you got over the loss and it came back. If this has been going on for fourteen months, it is probably worth having a chat with a good PCP or Psychologist, a biochemical depression could hang around that long…

 

silent bob

Super Anarchist
8,931
1,437
New Jersey
I’ve lost several friends, lately.  Two to mostly preventable circumstances. I’ve lost a few to old age. I’ve come to the conclusion that being sad or angry doesn’t do any good.  I simply think about the good times that we had, and enjoy the moment, and raise a glass to them. 

 

Point Break

Super Anarchist
26,652
4,459
Long Beach, California
After losing my spouse of 28 years following her two year battle during which I was her caregiver I was in a very dark place. It took me around two years to level out. It doesn’t really go away…..you don’t “recover”……you accept and adjust. 

 
El Mariachi said:
This is why old photographs (and new photographs)....are so important to keep....
can you imagine WHAT FUCKS Former Fucking FUCKS would corn-whore All Family Pix

My Parents made it Clear that was a Mortal SIN

FUCK THEM IN THE HEART - But NOT worth mentioning who

As For Your LOVED Ones

The Absolute SALVATION is the memories of How you treated them,

what you did together,

and how In Yer heart you Know they went out thinking about you

I am GOOD W my Parents up until their last moment (Both)

You Must deal with what is inside you

Too Late now to undo that moment you would like to take back if there is one

If you 2 Were Good, Yer Golden

Feel sorow for the Fucks that didn't talk to their parents for years before they were gone

Think of how you treated him and how you would feel the other way around

THAT Should be your salvation

I feel sorry that you need to go through this, But as an Old Fuck myself I know it gets more and more as you go on

wait till you lose a friend and go to call your friends to let them know

And Most are Not there

hope you come out alright as you should

 
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