My brother died 14 months ago and I'm in pain

Cal20sailor

Super Anarchist
12,842
3,334
Detroit
I appreciate every response.  My brother was the guy I when I was on the bow would give me the nod we were doing the right thing

 

Ease the sheet.

ignoring stupid people is easy
19,939
2,163
I'm lucky enough to be relatively unscathed by death, but the time is coming.

I imagine myself giving eulogies. I imagine what the particular dead person would say.

Through any sadness, I'm guessing their words will make me laugh.

Missing them will be sad, but remembering them will remind me how lucky I am to have lived amongst them.

 

Greever

Super Anarchist
4,091
106
Rockford, MI
I lost a Sister in 1988, and my only Brother in 1996. The pain never goes away, you must simply get used to it.

Also: I am going to Austin1972’s memorial in Onekama Mi, this Saturday.

”Only the good die young…”

 

Ease the sheet.

ignoring stupid people is easy
19,939
2,163
I lost a Sister in 1988, and my only Brother in 1996. The pain never goes away, you must simply get used to it.

Also: I am going to Austin1972’s memorial in Onekama Mi, this Saturday.

”Only the good die young…”
A few Australians send their highest regards and best wishes to that memorial....

 

boomer

Super Anarchist
16,409
1,377
PNW
Sorry for your loss and as others said above the loss never goes away. One just has to endure till pain of the loss numbs somewhat.

Lost my Mom back in '78, a hard core alcoholic, a stroke took her when she was 46, way to young to go - if she'd just put the bottle down. As seen below - The alcoholism was gripping her hard, not long before she passed. A tough and heart wrenching loss none-the-less.

My Grandfather, her father passed a few weeks later - both shook me and my siblings to our core, and shook my Grandma so much more - but she and we, endured with the pain easing somewhat over the years - but never going way. Grandma passed in 1984, probably the toughest loss in my lifetime.

My best sailing and windsurfing bud, who worked with me after I got him in the Union back in the day - whom pushed me to get into surfing and Windsurfing. Canby Lee "Skip" Willson III pictured with mustache and glasses with his younger brother Tom, passed in 2004 he was way to young to go. The big C got him - family, friends and I were all devastated.

My best sailing bud, since Skips passing another old workmate, Jeff Stillwell, who stayed with me from job to job over the years. We even owned matching Ranger sailboats. He was also had a decent eye for composing images as a photographer, in fact helped me shoot the Northwest School of Wooden Boatbuilding in our award winning shoot. He had a heart attack two weeks after finishing that last shoot. A tough loss - almost as tough as losing my Grandma - Pictured below at that shoot.

Surprisingly, all my service buds are still alive, except for one, the horse wrangler, Tex Tucker, pictured below in the leather vest with the cig hanging off his mouth - and he'd still be alive if he'd just put the bottle down.

My father pictured below with his second wife, whom no doubt drove my Mom to drinking (outwardly with a smile -  he was a cruel man - I won't go into detail )with whom I wasn't too close, passed in 2015. However his death just a couple months short of 90, was a loss, none the less.

None of those losses go away. You still remember them, the good times and the not so good. - They're gone from our sight, never from our hearts.

007e.JPG

036c.JPG

skip and tom.jpg

jeff.jpg

Tex and willy.jpg

Ernie and Jan.jpg

 
Last edited by a moderator:

blunderfull

Super Anarchist
Same here.  Been over a year now and it’s still sucks, still weird not to talk with him.   Leaves me the ‘family oldest’ and, seriously, that’s a laugher.

Up side is that his son is rock solid guy with a great bunch of kids and wife.   He picked up the slack and off we go with a new skipper in the fam.   We’re getting there.

 

Steam Flyer

Sophisticated Yet Humble
44,187
9,572
Eastern NC
Has anyone experienced and come out into the blue.  Please don't shit on me.  He was a great guy worthy of my grief. 
Very sorry to hear this. Your lives together were a gift and you are right to grieve for him.

How long does it take? I dunno. There have been a few people that I still grieve for... as in, I can sit and think of them for a long time, and end up crying... after 20+ years.

Wish I could be more help

- DSK

 

Bugsy

Super Anarchist
2,506
782
Canada
My father's funeral was 40 years ago today.  Yes, he died when I was young.  

Stay strong, my friend.  

 

130lights

Super Anarchist
1,128
623
Lake Michigan
Try to focus on all those happy memories you made together, and look at any photos you and your Mom have. My brother died 3 yrs ago, his wife 6 months later. It really felt like someone cut an arm off my large family. Going through his house was so painful, but helped his kids.  Again, today, I scrolled past his contact info in my phone…can’t seem to delete it. Not sure what that says.

 

Greever

Super Anarchist
4,091
106
Rockford, MI
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_Death_and_Dying

This may be of some help in dealing with your grief, as is crying. Men don't cry nearly often enough and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Take care.


Very sorry to hear this. Your lives together were a gift and you are right to grieve for him.

How long does it take? I dunno. There have been a few people that I still grieve for... as in, I can sit and think of them for a long time, and end up crying... after 20+ years.

Wish I could be more help

- DSK
This.

I still cry every now and again, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
 

Cal20: Like Steam I wish I could be more help, but the best you can do is to remember him, good times and bad. He lives on in your memory at the very least, possibly more.

Hang in there…….

 

warbird

Super Anarchist
16,594
1,342
lake michigan
Has anyone experienced and come out into the blue.  Please don't shit on me.  He was a great guy worthy of my grief. 
You have seen the outpouring of support. People do care. I go weeks without thinking of my little sister (1976) and then bam.... Same . dad, 1989.  Mom 2017.  A moments though of the smiles and joy we shared.  I have it easy, I have contact with most of my sibs, not direct, but FB comments or email chains often.

 

py26129

Super Anarchist
2,853
191
Montreal
Do stay strong and revel in the support from friends.

We lost a baby daughter 25 years ago and it still makes me cry at times.

I lost my dad earlier this spring and while it was a relief of sorts, after a long bout with Alzheimers, I really miss him.

 

ShortForBob

Super Anarchist
34,888
2,777
Melbourne
I remember you're original posts on this subject. You stayed strong for your Nephews and Mum and she for you.

Keep staying strong. They need you.

My younger sister's BC has metastasized to her spine. She may have only a month to a year. We have to be the rocks for our Nieces and nephews to build their strong houses upon.

Love

Mel xxx

 

Gissie

Super Anarchist
6,495
1,718
We lost a baby daughter 25 years ago and it still makes me cry at times.
Cannot imagine losing one of my children, we are not meant to bury our kids. My brother lost a baby while I was present. Absolutely heart rending stuff.

The rest, parents, siblings, friends, it is part of a normal life. Would they want to be causing heart ache for ever, unlikely.

 

Sol Rosenberg

Girthy Member
94,189
11,722
Earth
I’m coming up on 30 years since old pappy sol checked out. It’s not something that I’ll ever get over but I’ve learned to deal with a new reality. And acceptance. There isn’t a night spent offshore that he doesn’t pass through my head. He was my best sailing buddy. The lessons and memories are there forever. 
 

I hope you can make peace with it. The weight of it all can be a burden. 

 

Bus Driver

Bacon Quality Control Specialist
My brother died in 86.  While the pain has subsided, it hits me in so many different ways.  So many big events he missed.  I fell it more acutely when we are talking about family with my children and they share they wish they'd known Uncle John.

Mom passed in 2003 and Dad in 2009.  Many people on these boards were a great source of information (when I needed it), comfort, and support.

As PB said, above, you don't "recover - you adjust.

I wish for you strength and peace.

 

Latest posts




Top