True Confessions


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My son comes home late from work around midnight. The rest of the family was sitting in the living room one night when my wife said "turn off the lights quick". He came up the porch, opened the screen door, then opened the interior door and started to walk in.

We all screamed surprise at the same time.

He went through the screen door backwards and fell off the porch into a bush.

veni vidi vici

Omne quod audimus est opinio, non res. Omnia videm
My summer and weekend job was at a sailboat rental in Coconut Grove, Miami. The owner was a lecherous lush and a pretty good ladies man. He told us he would be taking this lady out for a sail after work. He also had a 14’ Boston Whaler with “Idiot Retriever “ painted on the side, yeah great PR . So we tied about 200’ of paracord between the top of the rudder and the hull, the other end was tied to the bottom of a piling. It was light air when he left the dock with his lady, it was typically a port tack towards the mooring field where the rental boats were instructed not to go( see Idiot Retriever) . When he got to the edge of the mooring field and tried to tack he ran taught on the line tied to the rudder post and the boat stopped responding to his steering. We all began shouting instructions as we typically did to customers unable to come about near the mooring field. Finally we had to crank up the Idiot Retriever and go out to “see what was wrong “ .
I went over the side and cut him loose and explained what we had done. He had a good sense of humor and everyone had a good laugh.
It was one of his 21’ Victory’s same as the photo from Google image. Not the same mooring area but similar scene. 1965 or so 😎



Super Anarchist
lake michigan
I have been a "lifter" for 20+ years. That means I am one of a few who can lift boats in and out of the water with our 1920's era derrick at my club's storage yard. We set the boats on cradles or trailers and move them out into the yard for storage. Spring and fall I am at the yard several times a week getting boats in or out of the water. One member, let's call him Mike because he is Mike, in fall, drains his rudder. Mike is very set in his ways and has a routine for everything. He has a plug in the bottom he removes and drills a hole halfway up. Then 1 or 2 hours a day he runs a little compressor with an air hose into the upper hole to push water out. Mike keeps a 5 gallon bucket under the rudder to see how much water drains out. When the bucket is dry, Mike knows his rudder is dry and he stows his pump apparatus. A few years ago I would finish a lift, lock up the equipment and walking past Mikes boat dump the remainder of my water bottle in Mikes 5 gallon bucket under his rudder. The schedule was such that over a two week period I did this maybe 5 or 6 times. Each time I would let other members see me doing it and apperently nobody snitched because about the end of the second week Mike had hooked up his air pump again. I sent all those members a pic of his pump hooked up again and ALL understood what transpired.

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